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How to help your sexually frustrated husband part 2
After posting my last article I showed it to my sister, who got married 3 years ago and has really seen the change in my life that, not GIVING INTO, but GETTING INTO sex has made in my life.
When she first got married I told her that, yes sex could be good, and orgasms were very nice, but your husband will drive you crazy wanting it, and act like a child when you don't give it to him. I think I really scared her, and may have caused her marriage harm but, she too has realized how absolutely wonderful frequent sex can be. She has also forgiven me for scaring her.
She mentioned that the first post sounded a little like I took a get happy pill and everything was instantly changed, so I thought I would give a little background and a more insight that might help others who haven't “seen the light” as I have.
My husband is and has always been wonderful, he does things without being asked he really does his part to make sure I'm not stressed about the house.
When we started our discussions he said that many days he would go out of his way doing things in hopes that I would “reward him” as he said with a little attention and affection.
He has always been the romantic, loves candles, loves to pamper me, and loves taking it slow. He makes a good living and rarely has to travel for work, so he is home in time to cook when it is his turn. All in all probably one of the best guys out there.
Before, I was always too busy with my functions, gatherings and school to have time for sex. I enjoyed the orgasm, but didn't like the mess. My husband would always tell me that we could shower after, but I would think, “I have long hair, and it takes 45 minutes to get it dry.” I'm sure ladies you are saying to yourself, “she seems like a spoiled girl who doesn't know what she is about to lose”. You are right, but once I realized that I quickly made it right.
It took some serious discussions before I realized I was either going to lose him or he was going to withdraw so much we might as well have split up. I didn't realize how my not fulfilling him sexually, was affecting so many other parts of his life. I know there are tons of scripture that I should have been paying attention to, but it is easy to ignore parts of the bible that you don't want to apply to you. Anyway he finally broke down and said we had to go the therapy or something because he couldn't look at me anymore, since I was something he couldn't have. He said he had been lusting after just about any woman he knew or saw, and it was eating him up inside knowing it was a sin.
That was when I FINALLY realized how much I needed to change.
Things I did that made it worse.
1. If he would ask for sex during the day and I would sometimes give him hope, subtly, but hope nonetheless, and then I would stay up late or have a headache or any of the other excuses that I thought would work to get me out it. He told me that was the worst! He would be excited all day thinking of the time we would spend together that night, and then have everything crushed.
2. I started taking naps after dinner so I could stay up late. He would try to stay up with me, but would get frustrated when I wouldn't come to bed.
3. I got addicted to movies, any kind. We got netflix and I got my money's worth.
4. When he mentioned that he would just start masturbating, I told him that I thought it was wrong. During our discussions he did say that he had masturbated anyway, but it only sometimes gave him sexual release, and it never gave the emotional fulfillment he needed.
I had basically stopped thinking about sex in a positive light, I have never been abused or anything like that IT JUST WASN'T IMPORTANT TO ME AT ALL.
Ladies, I bet you're wondering if he ever got addicted to porn. My husband admitted he had looked at porn and was very open about it. He said he hated that he was looking at, but it was at the time the only outlet he had for some positive visualization. He has a few close friends that discussed porn after our rekindling. He brought it up and they all agreed that they hated it, but they had too looked because there was something wrong with their marriage.
My husband told me this and it really hit home. He said, “It was sad that I would surf for hours at a time, but never see what I wanted, because what I wanted was downstairs watching movies”. I could have helped him never bring porn into our marriage, if I would have been there as his wife.
I think that may be enough for you to get the idea of how I almost ruined our marriage. So when I say it is ATTITUDE that needed to be changed for me, it really was. I GOT ADDICTED TO MY HUSBAND AND MY MARRIAGE INSTEAD OF WORLDLY THINGS. Now here are a few more things that I thought of since my first entry.
Romance
Your husband or at least my husband enjoys the softer things too, candles, baths, and soft music. We have a large tub that I set up for the evening and we will spend a long time just holding each other until we become prunes, or we will make love very slowly.
Quickies
For a while all I would ever give him were quickies, because all I wanted was the orgasm, and I could go pretty quickly. This drove my husband crazy because he wanted to spend more time with me. Now quickies are great for both of us. He may be on our side of town during lunch or for some work reason and he will call. I will tell him that I am ready and waiting, we sometimes talk sexy while he is driving to meet me.
Desire him like he desires you
Before I always thought it was odd how much he would say he wanted to caress me or how much he longed to touch me. I never had that desire, but now I can't wait to see his toned chest or cup is butt in my hands. He loves that I want him, and I love it too.
Let him look at you
I am not in as good of shape as he is, I'm working on it, but I'm probably still 40 lbs overweight. I got most of it eating snacks late at night while watching movies, oops. Anyway, he has always enjoyed watching me get dressed, so now I will give him a show. Instead of getting dressed in my closet, I will come out and put my foot up on the bed and ask him to put moisturizer on my legs where I have shaved, and then make sure he has a clear view of my sex. I sometimes ask him to make sure I'm dry and get him to lick any remaining shower water from my mound. He also loves to see me bend over so that he can see my bum hole and my vaginal lips at the same time.
A follow up on toys
I mentioned in my first writing that I was reluctant at first, because I didn't want a cold hard toy inside me, all I wanted was him. I tried them because I don't think there is anything wrong with them, and my husband really wanted to. I have really come to enjoy them, especially the remote control ones you can wear under your clothes. Sometimes I secretly put them on and hand my husband the remote as we enter a restaurant, or sometimes he requests that I wear them, but either way we have a great time.
Romantic weekends
We have started trying to get away more often. We will either close the curtains and turn off the phones for a weekend, or actually go to another town. In the summer we rented a cabin in the woods that had a stream right by it. It was very secluded and we went naked some of the time we were there. We made sure there were no cabins or people around because we are pretty shy. Once we agreed that no one would ever see us we went skinny dipping and made love on our towels. There were some large flat rocks that we laid on and he or I would from time to time role over and pleasure each other. When we used to go on vacation I would get bored and read 2 or 3 books, now I might have time to read a chapter or two.
Sex Drive
His is still really high as I mentioned in the earlier post and mine is much higher than it was before. I am thinking about sex much, much more. We are in our late 40's and we are having intercourse at least 3 times a week, and usually pleasuring each other a couple more times during the week.
Spiritual Life
We are members of a conservative church. Before, we would pray at dinner, and would go to church and class on Sunday's, but we were almost always late and we never studied the bible during the week. Now, we take time to study, discuss and read together, and we are on time most of the time for church. We are closer to God, and each other.
I know this kind of sounds like I'm selling something, but all I want is the best for every Christian couple. If you are reading this and have not given yourself over to your spouse (I say spouse because I know there are relationships out there that are the exact opposite of ours), please make a commitment to talk to them and make a change. Your life will be so much better.
Good look and God bless.
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