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I'm sexually frustrated! My husband's sex drive is lower than mine!
My husband and I are Christians who have been married for almost six months now. Unfortunately we weren't always Christians and therefore we both have had different sexual experiences before marriage---I'm not sure but it may have had an effect on the way things are now. Please bare with me. I'm his first real relationship ever. He's had a very crazy past with being mostly locked up in the system from his juvenile years through adulthood but has had plenty of sexual relationships between sentences (none homosexual). He's battled with mental illnesses, like chemical imbalances/bipolar disorder and I believe he still does become manic depressive.
As for me, I used to be very promiscuous and have had 3 "serious" relationships and many just sexual ones. Even before I lost my virginity, I had a great amount of sexual desires. When I was in those "serious" relationships, my partner and I had sex at least 2-3 times per day. When my husband and I were engaged, I could tell the passion was there and that he desired me, but after we got married and had sex... after the first few times... it became almost non-existent-like once per week.
When we do make love, it's the same position all the time-- it's always the way he likes it and no variety or excitement. He doesn't like making love in any other positions--it's as though it's all about him. I've made the suggestion of variety at least once every two-three weeks or once per month. But at the rate our sexual interaction is going--we may have sex only once every two weeks to a month. Most of the time, I'm the initiator and sometimes have to almost beg/ask him to make love to me, otherwise we will go for over a week and then I start falling into the sin of masturbating alone to fulfill my desire. It can't be compared to being with my husband and feeling his passion and closeness. I don't understand why this is happening!
He's been masturbating also, which he confesses, and says it's because of stress but even though we've agreed that we would release that stress in love making together rather than him masturbating, he still doesn't. He constantly reassures me that it's not me, and that he wants to make love--he has no problem becoming erected, we're still in our twenties, there's no one else in either of our lives (no affairs) but he still doesn't go through with his part. I'm not intimidating him like some men may feel. He's no softy, but won't discuss this issue without becoming upset/angry. We've been through the marital scriptures and the one's that talk about not denying each other and I've even discussed reading some of the stories from this website as I've seen recommended many times over--still nothing!
I've dressed in evening wear to turn him on, candle lights, massages, but he will tell me he's tired or we'll do it tonight, tomorrow night, later or when ever. I'm so sexually frustrated and I don't know what to do. I'm still praying to the Lord for guidance and wisdom and most of all the help to be patient, but it makes me cry a lot. His words mean nothing when he doesn't follow through. He says all the right things and is very affectionate--which is what most women want alone. Most women want more of the affection and the words than the lovemaking and that's how he is... but I need and want both. It makes me feel very insecure and undesirable when he denies me. When he sees it bothering me, he panics and gets angry and just leaves, while blaming me for stressing him out. Once per week,... that's all we do and then that's not guaranteed. I don't know what else to do,... please help!
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