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Religious? And Horny at the same time?!
I'm glad I discovered this place. I can talk about my feelings anonymously, and at least, connect with people like me! Well, it all started out when I was 4 years old... I discovered how to touch myself and always felt good when I was nude (or only in my diapers). I learned how to ********** at the age of 4, and continued it up until 9- when I had an accidental ******. Geez... How scary. I remember rushing to get into the shower room after school so I can pleasure myself. That was until I realized at age 14, that what I was doing was wrong. I researched on whether it was accepted by the Catholic Church (as I am a very religious person), and I never really found anything directly related to it, saying that it was a bad practice. But I still continued doing it anyway- despite feeling dirty and guilty inside.
So, finally, I made the decision last year, to admit to my best friend that I would watch **** (I discovered this when I was 9 years old) and **********. She really did not say much- as she was a quiet person, but she learned to accept me anyway. I appreciate that she did, but my motive of admitting my true true self, was only to help aid me in ruling **** out of my life. Well, she didn't have a clue on HOW exactly to stop me from watching, but at least I felt a little relief of finally letting someone know. I mean, I can't keep myself bottled up or have the notion that I'll be safe inside my own little mind. It was pretty disgusting to take comfort in the fact that nobody else (but God) knows that I was really secretly horny (since everybody knows that I am a religious person- I serve in mass, pray a lot, never go to parties, never even drink!), so I figured that telling someone would help me, by giving off this "subconscious" feeling that someone else you know actually knows what YOU DO when I am alone.
Well, I'm okay now. I toned down on the ****- it's been a problem of mine, because, (like I mentioned) I am a very religious person, and very innocent, but the problem is that I am a VERY VERY VERY sexual person. I was born and raised well- free from explicit material and all- I've never even seen a bed scene for goodness sake! But I just take so much pleasure in fantasizing about sex with my future husband. I am not the type who would give away my virginity to just anyone- I am the type who saves herself for the man she is to marry ONLY. So, I don't find it hard to fight temptation. I only find it hard to keep myself from crying every night- longing for the touch of my future husband. Someone to sleep with and cuddle with every night. Someone to offer your own body to. Someone to kiss, lick, and suck me, lovingly. Someone to caress my breasts and tell me how much he loves me. Someone I could love back the same way- only MORE. Someone to please. Someone to ***** you of your clothes. Someone to be a slave (sexually-speaking only ;D) to. Someone to hear you moan and scream from pleasure, Someone to have SEX WITH EVERYDAY! Someone to kiss my neck all the time, but most of all... Somebody to actually love with ALL MY HEART.
I NEVER stop thinking about him. My dear husband. My heart aches for him- especially when I long to have sexual intercourse with him. *Sigh*... I wonder where I'll meet him and what he will think of me. I will only reveal to him that I am very "horny", on our wedding night. I wonder if he'll love my high libido. I wonder if he'll like the idea of sex everyday- morning and evening. I wonder if he'll let me take pleasure in allowing me to suck him down there. I wonder what it's like to feel the warmth of his naked body against mine. I wonder if he'll love my breasts just the way they are. But for now, I'm a long way from all that sex and foreplay. So I will wait patiently, taking comfort only in my fantasies and dreams... Oh MY Dearest Future Husband, wherever you may be in the world today, I will always pray for you, as I silently cry myself to sleep and long for your touch and your company. The closest thing right now, is to fantasize... I really miss you. I know we will meet someday. but for now, I love you, and "I'll see you soon then"... Till we meet. LOVE YOU VERY MUCH and May God bless you.
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