Title: "Biblical Solutions To Problems In The Bedroom - Him" Author: Unknown
Let's first read James 2 verses 15 through 16. Suppose a brother or sister is without clothes and daily food. If one of you says to him, "Go, I wish you well; keep warm and well fed," but does nothing about his physical needs, what good is it?
Now lets read Matthew 7:9. Or who is there among you, who, if his son asks him for bread, will give him a stone?
The biblical principle we learn from these verses is that when someone comes to us with a problem we should try to offer a practical physical solution not just a farewell prayer or try to spiritualize the problem.
In Luke 16, Jesus tells a parable about a shrewd manager who is going to be fired. Before he is fired he helps many of his masters customers by forgiving some of their debt. In return the customers will help take care of him in his old age. The master commends the shrewd master and says in Luke 16: 8b, For the people of this world are more shrewd in dealing with their own kind than are the people of the light. We can learn from this parable that God wants us to be shrewd in solving problems, and especially when helping others.
In Matthew 10:16 Jesus said to his disciples, I am sending you out like sheep among wolves. Therefore be as shrewd as snakes and as innocent as doves. God want us to be shrewd helping others.
Jesus, in his ministry, went against the traditions of the religious elite of his day. In Luke 7 verses 34 and 35, Jesus said, The Son of Man came eating and drinking, and you say, 'Here is a glutton and a drunkard, a friend of tax collectors and "sinners." ' But wisdom is proved right by all her children." Here Jesus teaches us that even though it may have appeared to some that He was a glutton and a drunkard, and a friend of tax collectors and sinners, because the outcome of His conduct proved to be good, what Jesus did was good. The phrase, But wisdom is proved right by all her children can be interpreted to mean that even though something may seem wrong based on the traditions of man, it is not wrong if the result helps accomplish something that is more important to God.
God cares more about helping others than he does about keeping the traditions of man.
In Matthew 9 verses 10 through 13, again, the religious elite are condemning Jesus for eating with the tax collectors and sinners. Jesus points out that He came to minister to the sinners, not the righteous. And Jesus says He desires mercy not sacrifice.
Lets read the passage. Matthew 9 10-13 says, While Jesus was having dinner at Matthew's house, many tax collectors and "sinners" came and ate with him and his disciples. When the Pharisees saw this, they asked his disciples, "Why does your teacher eat with tax collectors and 'sinners'?" On hearing this, Jesus said, "It is not the healthy who need a doctor, but the sick. But go and learn what this means: 'I desire mercy, not sacrifice. 'For I have not come to call the righteous, but sinners."
For the sake of simplicity, lets divide up Christian commitment into three areas; obedience, mercy and sacrifice. Obedience would be keeping Gods laws and the laws of the land. Mercy would be caring about others, which can also be thought of as works of mercy. Sacrifice can be thought of as doing things or giving up things for the sake of being or becoming more holy. Jesus said that sacrifice is not important in our relationship with God. Instead if we will focus on being merciful towards others, that is what God wants us to do. Traditions of men come under the banner of sacrifice and they can be discarded when necessary for the sake of mercy for others.
Jesus warned religious leaders against imposing unnecessary sacrifice or traditions of men on converts. In Matthew 23 verse 4, Jesus says, They tie up heavy loads and put them on men's shoulders, but they themselves are not willing to lift a finger to move them. And then in Matthew 23 verse 15 Jesus warns, "Woe to you, teachers of the law and Pharisees, you hypocrites! You travel over land and sea to win a single convert, and when he becomes one, you make him twice as much a son of hell as you are.
In these verses Jesus says that when you load down your converts with unnecessary rules, it is not worth making converts. Because when you impose all the rules on the new converts, it turns them into twice as much a son of hell as you are.
As Christians we live by Grace through faith in Jesus Christ. We love God with all our hearts and we love our neighbors as ourselves. When we love God and others we will not steal and we will not kill. We will want to obey Gods explicit laws and the laws of our land that protect others and protect ourselves.
Beyond Gods explicit laws and the laws of our land we have no rules no sacrifice, except to show mercy. James 2 verses 8 through 13 says, If you really keep the royal law found in Scripture, "Love your neighbor as yourself, "you are doing right. But if you show favoritism, you sin and are convicted by the law as lawbreakers. For whoever keeps the whole law and yet stumbles at just one point is guilty of breaking all of it. For he who said, "Do not commit adultery," also said, "Do not murder."If you do not commit adultery but do commit murder, you have become a lawbreaker. Speak and act as those who are going to be judged by the law that gives freedom, because judgment without mercy will be shown to anyone who has not been merciful. Mercy triumphs over judgment!
In these verses we learn that showing mercy to others is important.
In Colossians 2 verse 14, Paul makes it clear that as Christians we no longer live under the law. Paul says Christ, having canceled the written code, with its regulations, that was against us and that stood opposed to us; he took it away, nailing it to the cross.
In Romans Chapter 12 verse 1, Paul says we should live our lives as a living sacrifice to God. In the remainder of the chapter Paul explains how to do this. Paul does not list a set of rules or traditions (sacrifice) we should live by, but rather explains in practical terms how to love others and how to show mercy to others.
In 1 Corinthians 6:12 and 1 Corinthians 10:23 Paul teaches that, all things are permissible, but not all things are profitable. As we live our lives of showing love and mercy to others, as Christians, we have the freedom to be shrewd in helping others solve problems and we can toss out the traditions of men when the result helps accomplish the will of God.
As an example Jesus condemned the tradition of Corban in Mark 7 because it resulted in the neglect of caring for the elderly. In Mark 7:13, referring to Corban, Jesus said, Thus you nullify the word of God by your tradition that you have handed down. And you do many things like that."
In Colossians 2, Paul goes as far as to say that rules do not help Christians in their walk with God. Paul says, in Colossians 2 20 to 23, Since you died with Christ to the basic principles of this world (the law), why, as though you still belonged to it, do you submit to its rules: "Do not handle! Do not taste! Do not touch!"? These are all destined to perish with use, because they are based on human commands and teachings. Such regulations indeed have an appearance of wisdom, with their self-imposed worship, their false humility and their harsh treatment of the body, but they lack any value in restraining sensual indulgence.
Paul says that rules have no value in restraining sensual indulgence.
Notice also in these verses that when Paul refers to the principles of this world; he is referring to the Old Testament law.
Most likely Paul is referring to the Old Testament law in Romans Chapter 12 verse 2, when he says, Do not conform any longer to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God's will is his good, pleasing and perfect will.
Paul starts out in Romans 12, verse 1 saying that in view of God's mercy Paul is pleading with believers to give up living by the law and following a set of rules, and instead be transformed by the renewing of their mind by God's Grace.
You might ask, "Why are you quoting all these verses about freedom and about throwing out the traditions of man?" The reason is that while many Pastors agree that MarriageRomance.com is a good resource for married couples, few Pastors are preaching sermons recommending MarriageRomance.com to married couples. The reason they are not recommending MarriageRomance.com is because they do not want to lose their job. Because the traditions of man in our Christian culture condemn all erotic materials, even if they are used to help a married couple. This is slowly changing as Christian leaders begin to see how moral erotic material can help married couples maintain a healthy love life.
But for now I have given the Biblical basis for why married couples can and should use MarriageRomance.com to help their marriages. See, God cares more about marriages and preventing divorce, than He does about keeping a married couple from getting turned on by a moral erotic material. God would much rather a married couple use moral erotic materials to keep their marriage love life healthy, than have a married couple live by a set of rules that keeps them from being able to use moral erotic materials, and then as a result the husband looks at porn in secret or the wife reads romance novels and they both have an unfulliled love live together.
See it is very important what the Bible says to married couples with regard to sexual problems in the bedroom.
God in His infinite wisdom, speaking through the Apostle Paul, put only one passage in the Bible instructing married couples in their sex life. And so it must be a very important passage and should provide the key to all marriage intimacy problems.
Now lets read the passage. In 1 Corinthians 7 3-5 it says, The husband should fulfill his marital duty to his wife, and likewise the wife to her husband. The wife's body does not belong to her alone but also to her husband. In the same way, the husband's body does not belong to him alone but also to his wife. Do not deprive each other except by mutual consent and for a time, so that you may devote yourselves to prayer. Then come together again so that Satan will not tempt you because of your lack of self-control.
The warning Paul gives to married couples is that they should not withhold sex from each other and that they should basically have sex regularly so that their mate will not be tempted. The implication here is that the couple should enjoy sex with each other, not just mechanically give sex. This is because sexual needs are not just physical but emotional. Emotional sexual needs involve making your spouse feel sexually desired and loved and appreciated. If a mate mechanically gives sex to their spouse, and thus does not meet their spouse's emotional sexual needs, they leave their spouse vulnerable to temptation and thus defeat the purpose of Paul's instruction.
Now lets review the two biblical principles we have learned. Remember what they are? The first is to give people practical solutions to their problems when they need help. The second principle we learned was that to avoid problems in the bedroom a married couple should give each other sex regularly and enjoy it.
Now let's apply our Godly wisdom to a real problem situation. Let us pretend you are a Pastor. Here is your problem situation.
A couple has been married for 7 years. The first 2 years of their marriage were wonderful. The next three years they were busy with babies. During their marriage they slowly drifted away from each other emotionally. Their close sexual bond no longer exists. When they do have sex it is more mechanical. What happened? They argue often and they have mixed emotions about each other.
The wife comes to you (the Pastor) and tells you she discovered her husband is hooked on soap operas, hooked on romance novels, occasionally looks at porn on the internet, and sometimes visits adult chatrooms.
You ask her how her love life has been over the past 7 years. She confesses that because of their arguments, she made up excuses to get out of having sex, until eventually her husband quit making passes at her. You ask her if she ever tried to initiate sex with her husband and she says, she rarely asked him for sex because after the first three years of marriage she lost respect for him and so she rarely enjoyed it.
You explain to her that the couple is reaping what they sowed. You explain that Paul warned that when the married couple does not keep their sexual relationship strong, the spouse needing sex will be tempted to meet their sexual desires elsewhere. You explain that Paul put the primary responsibility for a healthy relationship on the spouse who gives the sex not the one who needs the sex.
You explain that she needs to restore her friendship and sexual relationship with her husband and begin enjoying sex with her husband and having it regularly.
She confesses that she has lost her feelings of love for her husband and does not feel like having sex with him.
You explain that there is a self-help web site called MarriageRomance.com that can help married couples renew their friendship and passion for each other and repair hurting marriages. You explain that a combination of praying for her husband and reading the stories together at night will be just the ticket she and her husband need to restore there love for each other.
You explain that the stories will not only add passion to the marriage but will also help the couple to understand each other better and forgive each other. You explain that like "iron sharpens iron" the ideas from the stories and the love shown in the stories will rub off on the couple.
The couple signs up and the first night she reads a story to her husband, she gets excited while reading it. Her husband gets excited because she is excited, and for the first time in years they experience high levels of passion for each other. After a few weeks of honeymoon level intimacy their problems seem to melt away as the forgiveness for each other overflows from their love for each other.
The husbands desire for soap operas, romance novels, chat rooms and porn, as he looks forward to romantic times with his wife. The couple gives God the glory for providing the resources to restore their marriage.