Title: "My wife is not interested in sex." Author: Unknown
This is probably the root of the problem and a lesson for all the unmarried couples out there: We had plenty of sex before marriage (we were not practicing Christians). We had abortions during that time. One way of looking at it is: I had my fun before marriage, so now I have nothing to complain about. Just writing this makes me feel less sorry for myself, realizing what a terrible thing I've done and allowed to be done to my wife. So I could accept the lack of sex as a trial from God and offer it to Him as a sacrifice. On the other hand, it seems that our marriage is missing a huge element that could make it better. On the other hand again, our marriage is great in spite of there being no sex.
I am a happily married husband of 24 years with 4 beautiful children and a beautiful wife. We have not had sex since before the birth of our youngest child who is 9 years old. We both are Christians and pray together briefly at meals and with our younger children before bed. But we don't pray together; I get the impression that it is too "touchy-feely" for her. It's kind of the same way with sex and talking about sex. She gets uncomfortable with intimacy, I believe.
I have the hardest time even discussing our lack of sex - nighttime before bed is the best time for us to discuss things, but I don't want to rile her up which would interfere with her sleep. So I stay passive most of the time. I've been trying to mention it at opportune times, but to no avail. This morning I tried to have sex with her and she said, "No way". I gave her a forlorn look and she said to stop that. I said that I WAS forlorn. She said that was my problem, with the insinuation that I was doing this to myself. I want to tell her of all my choices out there, none of which are legitimate, but which are nevertheless temptations (masturbation, pornography, prostitutes, affairs), but I haven't had the opportunity or just was afraid to say it. I stay pure. I rarely masturbate, maybe once every 2 months, such as when I've been lying beside her with my hopes up. I have gone for over a year without masturbating or having sex with my wife (or anyone). I am very tempted to fall for internet pornography, rationalizing it with my lack of response from my wife. I have fallen to that a few times, but recognize that it is wrong and counterproductive to my situation, so I avoid it.
I am not ugly, am in good physical condition, although I have been overweight in the past. It bothers her when I eat too fast and smack my food. Perhaps she became disgusted with me during those times. I work a lot, having recently started my own business. But I always take Sunday off. I'm not a brilliant conversationalist. The upside of having my own business is that we have more money, so she finally has many of the material things she has wanted.
I need your prayers as well as your advice.