Title: "It survived beyond what I thought could" Author: Unknown
Last year I stumbled onto this site in the midst of the worst incident in my somewhat short life. I was surfing the internet looking for answers, looking for solace, looking for. I had suffered a mortal wound from someone I confided, however they did tell me yet.
I first came across this website not expecting anything never hearing of it before. I typed in a specific search and through a web search engine; one of the findings was a link to this website. I had started my internet quest for information and help from a slightly different stance. I am a man of profound stated belief in God of the Bible. Jesus Christ. I was looking for signs of a mortal wound. Ways to know that; "Yes, this is real. Seek immediate help."
Last year, by this time, I had been married 6 years to the woman I had been together dating with for four years, since I graduated high school and she was starting her senior year. We had 3 young kids by this point. Growing together in the beginning, no matter how much I told her I was not (credit to having that much wisdom), I was the "perfect boyfriend". We were very close, yet noticed the challenges about a year into the marriage. Signaling the end of the 'honeymoon'.
Fast forward about 7 years, of a darkening marriage to which my wife did not like coming home, spending all of her time at her best friends to avoid what our marriage was becoming; not something that I wanted, nor would allow, yet somehow was. We ended up only having sex only about 3 times a year since somewhat after 1 year of marriage, and those times were only when I initiated. A stark contrast to the very beginning. Things got worse and I found out the impossible happened. I didn't fully appreciate the meaning of surreal until that moment. That my wife was having a 'fling', as the words between herself and her best friend described it. Turned out to be a sexual one. This was a gut wrenching blow that I had never felt. I did not know the tidal wave that was coming down the road. I had only been with my wife sexually and that made this that much worse. It basically unraveled from there on out. I found out from a message to me via the internet from the other mans wife, suspecting my wife and her husband being evolved with each other to some level. After confronting her with that information she finally admitted the truth. This was after what seemed to be a thousand lies the weeks prior to first discovering all of this
We went to a very spiritual church, regularly. She was saved as was I. "How could something like this happen?", I thought.
The problem with this is that she was so spiritually tied up, consumed and lost, she did not and would not stop, even though she told me it was. But her spirit was so contrary to all of it. More things happened, signs slipped through. I sought counseling. Yet a marriage could not be saved by one individual, I was unknowingly learning.
When I first came to this website I heard many stories of miraculous "turn arounds" feeding glimpses of hope. I loved God, I loved my wife. This was going to work. I had fasted 5 days straight to save a marriage that only wanted to be save by one of the two enjoined members. She did not stop as the stories for presenting opportunities for her to venture on in this affair continued to be wrapped up in very presentable lies. This had gone on for a few months without much proof that something was actually going on. I finally came across the proof that this had not stopped nor showed any signs of stopping. I was one breath away from suffocating spiritually and apparently physically.
I, after many confiding talks with my Pastor, I finally made my own decision to give up. I could not survive fighting this fight. It was a burden I could not bear. However I always put in this one clause; God if you want this to work then you are going to have to make it work. I cannot and I give up. You are going to have to change her heart and my heart as well, which I'm leaving it open for. If this will work out and you get the glory in this then so be it. But until then or otherwise--I'm done. That was my conclusion. I from there began looking for a divorce. We were separated a few months before then. I had the paperwork and only needed the money to file it. I would even sale my car to get the money, I wanted to stop being hurt that bad. But for some reason I could never manage it to work out.
... After about 6 months of separation and during the last 3 months of it, I began to pursue a divorce. My wife and I continued to go to the same church. There was only one car and she would pick up the kids to go to church. I would not ride with her, so subsequently started missing out on church. The day before my 30th birthday, I was catching a train home from spending the weekend out of town on my birthday, my friends were taking me out to celebrate; them knowing the story of what I was going through. This is the part where it gets very different. I got to the station barely in time, only to put my money in about 7 times just to get it rejected. Right when I got the ticket my last train home left. The only train left was going to the city were my church was. I was going to go to that city and head on another train home from there. Instead I found myself on the bus in my church city on my way to church. By the time I would get there it would have been about 45 minutes into the service. I had this strangest and most heavy feeling all that day that I needed to be there in church.
Turns out there was a reason. I got there for the evening service that night about the time frame I had expected. So when I got there, came in and there were many people down in front for prayer. Some circled around by other members supporting them in prayer. I did not pay it much mind, it was much of the norm at times. While I was standing in the front while the others where in prayer. I noticed, face full of tears, my wife walking around the front and up to me. She had said only the two words; "I'm sorry". Words that she had NEVER said to me before during this last year. She then hugged me and I hugged here back as we stood there for a few minutes crying with each other. God had done the miraculous.
We have now been back together for about 3 months, her at home, re-building our marriage. Starting a new foundation. We started counseling with our pasture and I cannot yet I fully can believe the change. Only God can change a person's heart.
After a few months of first discovering her affair, while she has no signs of looking back and me fighting on my own, I once (and not just once) had a moment. Thinking back to some of the stories on this site, of "turn arounds", I thought about myself and about how my situation was so much worse than anything I read on here, and I have left out some grim details, and thought mine was different, mine was worse, mine was not going to make it.
I now look forward to our future testimonies to possibly help other couples who unfortunately may go through this same thing in some way.
I even right this now, as I wait for her on her way home from work, the kids are with family and we have a date!
Whatever you lose your hope in, don't lose hope in God, whatever the situation ends being. I hope this story can help just one person to strengthen them and encourage them. I pray for you and your marriage. God is above all things and really really loves you.