single and waiting...is it worth it?

A reader says ... I think its wonderful that youve kept your virginity for marriage! It is indeed a part of Christian worship, in presenting ones body as a living sacrifice to Him. Its also a way of saying I love you to a future spouse, loving them so much even when you didnt know them, that you saved yourself just for them. A virgin is incredibly valuable, and all the more so in this day and age, as it seems, unfortunately, all the rarer.

I disagree with your guy friend, as to whether or not its realistic to find Christian virgins. The notion that everyone is doing it is simply false. My wife and I got married at 21, and we were both virgins and that after going through four years of college and all kinds of rampant temptations. And I know many at our church that could testify the same thing, hundreds and even thousands of them. It reminds me of the account in the Bible where Elijah lamented to God that he was the only one left, and God had to tell him that he had thousands of servants left, even in the corrupt northern kingdom, who had not bowed the knee to Baal. In my humble opinion (which isnt worth much Ill grant), the suggestion that its not realistic may be a way to justify ones own past behavior, or a way to somehow elevate ones self-worth to the level of someone elses that has made different choices in life. Are there Godly men out there who have kept their virginity? Sure there are though they dont have a sign on them that indicates this! :)

The above being said, we know we each possess fallen, sinful natures. Unfortunately, the flesh we dwell in yearns to sin, and things can happen in a persons life over time when were not careful and not trusting Christ. I might have made it to my marriage bed a virgin, by the grace of God but there are still so very many things I wish I could go back and do over, things that I regret deeply. Though we cant undo the past, we can repent, and God is able to make us clean. When I was younger, I would have said Id never marry a nonvirgin. However, that was hardness of heart, and it was not in recognition of my own sin. If the Good Lord took my wife and I had to start over, Id pray that Hed find me a helpmate who is (present tense) a Godly woman.

I think you are doing right to consider this very carefully. For someone you are potentially going to spend the rest of your life with, its certainly a topic worthy of discussion. Maybe someone else on this board will disagree, but I personally think is entirely reasonable to know the past sleeping habits of ones spouse. If an honorable man or woman is serious about a relationship, I believe they will tell the other person without even being asked when the time is right, of course. Whether its a deal breaker or not is between you and God. If the past is treated flippantly rather than repentantly, well, that attitude would be the deal breaker to me but thats just me. Best wishes in discerning His will for your life.